The Holy Grail of Clothes Shopping
Y'all, I just accomplished the impossible in Zurich. I found a pair of work pants that aren't entirely hideous and only set me back 19.90 Francs. That's like 15 dollars.
As if that wasn't amazing enough, they are short girl pants. What do you mean, DP? Usually clothes have an inseam fit for Shaquille O-Neal and make me look like an Oompa Loompa because they are skin tight at the waist and then baggy in the legs and dragging on the ground. I also have the feet of an 8-year old boy or 19th century Chinese socialite so I cannot wear slim fit or tapered anything at the ankles so as not to increase the Oompa-Loompa effect. Yes, I have to buy clothes vis-a-vis my foot size, so the next time you people with big feet wanna hate, just remember that. I would give anything to have nice big feet that looked like feet.
So: Costs less than automobiles-check; No taper, boot cut- check; No tight waist and baggy legs- check; No having to take up fifteen inches from the bottom: What? CHECK!
But like even the most beautiful diamond, these trousers have a flaw. They fit perfectly but are sadly mislabeled. They are my old size. As in my sixty pounds ago size. I don't even know why I picked them up, I think it was destiny. Usually clothes labeling is so dodgy I pick up two different sizes, but for some reason I saw these pants, four sizes up, and picked them up. Maybe it was my inner self and weird self-esteem issues. I have self esteem issues not because my old size was a horrible bad size, but because I am surrounded by women who think cigarettes and coffee are breakfast and have no problem with casual bulimia. If I ate like that I would be a size zero myself. No hate on the naturally slender sisters, but those of you who have been to France for any period of time know what I am talking about. At least in Zurich the girls eat (but then they go out with their guts hanging out over their low rise jeans and tank tops and don't get me started on waxing).
Anyway, I know they are mislabeled because every other piece I tried on today was two to four sizes smaller and also fit but had inseam issues. I also have some old pants that size at home and these are a good two or three inches smaller at the waist. I almost didn't buy them because I couldn't bear to have anything that size even though I know for a fact it had to be a fluke. It reminds me of the time in high school I got this pair of shorts at French Connection that were, for some reason, labeled a 2. I was nowhere near a two (haven't been a zero since I was oh, say, six years old), but I loved having shorts that fit good that said I was. So I tried to tell myself that this was just a French Connection issue in reverse and that these pants looked to good to ignore. And even if I was my old size, there is no shame in it. It's just the whole sixty pounds of sacrifice and eating leaves thing that got me going. I love my new trousers. And if you see me wearing them, don't tell me they are really capris.
As if that wasn't amazing enough, they are short girl pants. What do you mean, DP? Usually clothes have an inseam fit for Shaquille O-Neal and make me look like an Oompa Loompa because they are skin tight at the waist and then baggy in the legs and dragging on the ground. I also have the feet of an 8-year old boy or 19th century Chinese socialite so I cannot wear slim fit or tapered anything at the ankles so as not to increase the Oompa-Loompa effect. Yes, I have to buy clothes vis-a-vis my foot size, so the next time you people with big feet wanna hate, just remember that. I would give anything to have nice big feet that looked like feet.
So: Costs less than automobiles-check; No taper, boot cut- check; No tight waist and baggy legs- check; No having to take up fifteen inches from the bottom: What? CHECK!
But like even the most beautiful diamond, these trousers have a flaw. They fit perfectly but are sadly mislabeled. They are my old size. As in my sixty pounds ago size. I don't even know why I picked them up, I think it was destiny. Usually clothes labeling is so dodgy I pick up two different sizes, but for some reason I saw these pants, four sizes up, and picked them up. Maybe it was my inner self and weird self-esteem issues. I have self esteem issues not because my old size was a horrible bad size, but because I am surrounded by women who think cigarettes and coffee are breakfast and have no problem with casual bulimia. If I ate like that I would be a size zero myself. No hate on the naturally slender sisters, but those of you who have been to France for any period of time know what I am talking about. At least in Zurich the girls eat (but then they go out with their guts hanging out over their low rise jeans and tank tops and don't get me started on waxing).
Anyway, I know they are mislabeled because every other piece I tried on today was two to four sizes smaller and also fit but had inseam issues. I also have some old pants that size at home and these are a good two or three inches smaller at the waist. I almost didn't buy them because I couldn't bear to have anything that size even though I know for a fact it had to be a fluke. It reminds me of the time in high school I got this pair of shorts at French Connection that were, for some reason, labeled a 2. I was nowhere near a two (haven't been a zero since I was oh, say, six years old), but I loved having shorts that fit good that said I was. So I tried to tell myself that this was just a French Connection issue in reverse and that these pants looked to good to ignore. And even if I was my old size, there is no shame in it. It's just the whole sixty pounds of sacrifice and eating leaves thing that got me going. I love my new trousers. And if you see me wearing them, don't tell me they are really capris.
posted by The DP at
7:48 PM
